I expected better

Today I found out that someone I had respected effectively bullied someone out of their job for being transgender.

A few months ago someone else I know, who otherwise seems like a reasonable human being, made a comment about how he wouldn’t want to fuck a particular female athlete because she was muscular and it was “gross”.

I know I live in something of a bubble, surrounded by the beautiful left and liberal people of the poly, kinky, LGBTQIA world, but am I giving the rest of the world too much credit by assuming they will at least be decent human beings?

While we are on the subject of abhorrent voews, I am yet to get my head around the fact that there are large numbers of people prepared to vote for UKIP or Trump… just HOW?!

Pissed off.


This is an interesting article, I’ve never really worried about what’s “normal” or not so long as no one was hurt (unless they ask nicley) but it suprises me how common some of the paraphillias apparently are, 19% seems like a big chunk of the population to be interested in masochism…

Abnormal sexual interests are actually completely normal

Love and kisses

When things go wrong, well

Not everything in life always goes smoothly, no matter how carefully we try to control it. Last week I had the flu, I don’t recommend it, it did no favours for my professional, academic or personal life, but by the time Friday came around I was determined not to cancel my plans.

I’d left packing to the last minute, fallen asleep in the bath and had missed the first, second and third trains that I had planned to catch. Stood in my bedroom in just my underwear, I grabbed a fairly random collection of toys and clothes and stuffed them into my suitcase, cane sticking out of one corner like a flag pole missing its flag. Wayne came home just as I was contemplating calling a taxi and, after checking and re-chexking that I was REALLY ok to go away, he dropped me off at the station.

As yet I don’t know how to define my relationship with Ronnie but, given the fact I was prepared to engage in knife play with him, I’ll let you make your own  conclusions. We had talked about it, imagijed a scenario where I entered the house and he was hiding in a darkened corner to grab me. He would throw me to the floor, pin me down and tie me up, threatening me with the knife if I didn’t obey. Knifes are one of the things which truely scare me, in the most delicious way. I hate roller coasters, but I imagine it’s a similar thing, the rush you get. We talked about him using the knife to cut off my clothes, something which I know can be risky – it’s harder than you think to cut through clothing – but given a new and sharp knife the risks were within acceptable limits. I send him a message detailing the items I’m wearing which are ok for him to cut and I catch my train.

He meets me at the station, he’s tall and gorgeous. I feel gross, with no make up on, my nose red and full of snot and my conversation punctuated by bouts of coughing but he looks after me. When we get back to his I am wrapped up in a blanket and fed lemsip with honey in a Winnie the Pooh mug. Somehow this escalated to the point where I was on the floor with my wrists tied behind my back with electrical tape and the same tape between my teeth as a gag. I remember the feeling of the knife against my skin, cold, not wanting to move in case I cut myself, I heard it before I realised what was happening as he sliced through the fabric of my shirt. My shirt wasn’t on the list of items it was ok for him to cut. So I am there bound and held at knife point when suddenly my faith in his ability to stick to agreed limits is cast into doubt. At first I try to put it aside as an innocent mistake but as I lie there it niggles at me.

Whether it was that, the sudden change from chilled to kink, the fact that I wasn’t my usual self, or a combination of the above I’m not sure, but the result was that I safe worded. Not just a “can we slow down” kind of safe word, but a “stop, Stop, STOP!”.

He cut me free and I broke down, tears running down my cheeks adding to my sexy snot face. He tried to hold me but I pulled v, I couldn’t stand to be touched. Presently I noticed that I was bleeding, a small cut, perhaps 3/4 of an inch on my thumb, it must have happened when he cut me free, the dangers of a sharp knife when the adrenaline starts flowing.

Eventually, I was able to accept his touch and he held me close and kissed me and told me that I was safe. Before we went to bed he made me another lemsip with honey, in the same Winnie the Pooh mug, and I slept well knowing he was there.

It didn’t go to plan, but it certainly did go.

Sex Toys: Neon Wand

I purchased a new toy last year, it was quite an expensive purchase but I love it and I think it will be a favourite for quite some time. It was a Kinklab Neon Wand, the modern take on the vintage Violet Wands.


Basically it’s a series of tubes which you plug into the main unit and pretty purple sparks jump out. The set comes with four electrodes in different shapes (smaller tube = more concentrated sparks) and I also got the Power Tripper attachment – more on that later.

Power Tripper

I’ve not got much experience of the old ones so I can’t compare them, research tells me the vintage ones aren’t as safe (old electrics even refurbished are going to come with a risk I guess) but they are more powerful. The one time I did try one it left me with marks like a nettle rash on my arm so perhaps the lower power is even a blessing.

So, first thing I’m sure you’re dying to know the answer to, what does it feel like? On the low settings it’s more of a tickling sensation (if you’ve ever touched one of those plasma balls it’s like that) as you up the power it becomes more of a prickling sensation and when it’s up high (I’m told) it is similar to getting a tattoo. It is basically just a static shock, so think of it like that, only you have control over it, and you can have streams of sparks (if you desire) not just one.

One of the tubes is shaped like a comb and having your hair brushed with it on a moderate setting is a toe curling experience in the same way as a head massager is. I was combing a playmate’s hair one time when we came to discover something else, if you use it on the back of their neck then you get a pleasant tingling sensation throughout your body, personally it just makes me melt as if every nerve is being stroked all at once (yes, that includes those ones!).

So the tubes are one thing and they can be a lot of fun, but what of the Power Tipper I mentioned before? It is basically a metal plate with a cable attached which plugs into the hand set. One of you holds, or is otherwise connected to (think bondage tape), the plate, this charges that person up and then when you touch someone else (or they touch you) sparks fly! If you don’t want to feel the sparks yourself, try touching them with something metallic (fork, claw ring, chain…) and you get a whole new world of toys to play with.

This is my favourite way to play with the wand, so many sensations to play with. Just think what it would be like to give/receive oral sex with sparks tickling every nerve!

There is one last thing I have to say about Kinklab. One of my tubes stopped working for no apparent reason, I’d only had it a few months so I contacted them… their customer service was amazing and I got a new one sent to me with no fuss.

Let the sparks fly!

Drama Llamas

Just a quick post today before I go to work but I have to say something.

Why do some people feel the need to be such drama llamas? It happens in all walks of life but they seem to purposely make mountains out of molehills and make a fuss about nothing.

Personally I don’t do drama and I avoid those who do, there are enough awesome people and important things in my life, I’d rather focus my attention on them than on the time eaters who just want to stress about the inconsequential.

Enjoy yourselves, life’s too short!

Grey areas

There seem to be a lot of grey areas in my life, I’m not sure if there’s something about me in particular which leads me to occupy this strange middle ground in everything, or perhaps it is just coincidence. I am pansexual, a switch (though with a bias towards the subbie side), polyamorous… I love it, but it can also be fustrating as someone who likes things to be clear and organised when life so rarely is.

I find this is particularly the case when dating and early relationships. For mono relationships there is a distinct point where things change and exclusivity is expected but in poly relationships there aren’t the same milestones meaning things blend together.

It all starts when you meet them, for me that’s usually online, you chat, there’s a certain raport so you decide to go on a date. First date comes round, it goes well and you click, you kiss and feel excited by each other’s company. You see each other a few more times, at some point you probably end up in bed together. Things go well, this happens a few more times… now for most mono people I know this is where things change and monogamy is expected. Congratulations, you are in a relationship, but when you are poly, and especially if you are kinky, there isn’t this same change.

You can keep “dating”, sleeping and playing together, in theory indefinately, without a change in status. Over time you get to know each other better, emotions change and can go either way but without a “so what are we?” conversation things stay ill defined. We use vague terms like “friend” or perhaps the marginly more serious sounding “partner” or casual “play mate”. But what  do I call the person for whom feelings have started to develop? For whom “partner” just sounds too vague and non-commital? What does it take for someone to reach boyfriend/girlfriend status?

There is one person in my life at the moment who falls into this category, I wont say more right now because I haven’t spoken to them about it yet…

Stay shadey,

Exciting times

It’s been an eventful weekend, the fact that it is Monday morning and I’m only just heading home confirms this. I am tired, bruised and, since staying in bed a bit longer was more appealing than getting up, my make up is the smudges left from yesterday and I am rocking the bed hair look. You might think that this is the result of V-day, perhaps a logical assumption, but you would be wrong, I’m not really a fan of this commercialised expectation of “romance”.

Saturday started by meeting a platonic friend, let’s call her Pip. We did a bit of shopping then headed off to a local munch, her first and my first time at this particular one. Rex and Ted joined us there. We chatted to a bunch of lovely people, we had a seminar on “the art of suprise” and I won a meat mallet in the raffle which amused me more than it probably should have done.

We made our way to the hotel and got ready for a big night ahead of us, angels and demons theme, I was working the horns, insert horny joke here, while Pip was trying to pretend to be an angel – we all know better. It turns out that it’s a great idea to go to a munch on the same day as a fet night, because a lot of the same people will be at both, and it’s much more fun to go into a club when you know people there.

One person I wasn’t prepared to see was Garth. On a date. It affected me more than I might have expected, not that I really know what I expected, we spoke briefly but a large part of the night was spent trying to avoid being in the same room as each other. His date didn’t work out and we chatted more after she left, it was nice to see him again, even under the circumstances.

I played with Rex, it was strange playing with someone else in a club and it was the first time we’ve done anything together. Oddly it wasn’t the spiked paddle, which apparently no one had ever taken before which was too much for me, it was when he went to kiss me. Feels more itimate than a spanking. He also kept stopping to make sure that I was ok, which is good, but meant I wasn’t able to get to the same place I would have done otherwise.

On a side note, I find having to talk during play very distracting generally, I can manage the odd “Yes Sir” but it’s much better for me if my mouth is used for other things.

Sunday bought with it a full English breakfast at the hotel and a nice walk through the park. I sat there for the best part of an hour, relaxing in the sunshine, looking at the flowers and listenting to the birds. All very lovely, it was actually really nice just to take a bit of time out to myself. Presently I met up with Suzi and a friend she was staying with near by. The change since last time I saw her was immense, not only the physical changes from transition, but more so the fact she was glowing with a positive energy.

When I left them it was to board another train to meet up with someone new, Ronnie, I’ve never played strip snap before…

Despite all these japes my weekend was oddly short of sex. Seeing Howard on Tuesday for a good hard fuck was much needed.

Hope you all have as much fun as me!


I’m sat on a train, as I do often, bag of kinky things and a few clothes between my feet. I feel unusually nervous though and I don’t think it’s because this train is heading the wrong way, going south instead of my usual northbound adventures. It’s a good kind of nervous, the nervous anticipation of something you have been looking forward to, a butterflies in the stomach kind of nervous.

I touch up my lipstick using the window as a mirror, trying not to pull too many faces in a train full of people. Should I have washed my hair this morning? Did I make the right choice of clothes? Will he like my perfume?
“Listen.” I give myself a pep talk. “You are awesome and if he doesn’t like something then it’s his problem not yours”.
“Shush brain!”
I metaphorically give my own brain the look.

Fun times ahoy!

The best sex

Something happened to me recently which suprised me. After the initial shock I was so excited that I just had to tell someone, so I might have told a couple of people, but working out how to share it on here has been more of a challenge.

I am in the fortunate position of being able to enjoy a varied sexual menu, with different partners to whom I have different emotional connections, sometimes it’s just a bit of fun on a weeknight, other times it might be a full weekend of depravity. Both can be a lot of fun, but this  particular encounter was different. It felt incredibly intimate and deeply satisfying, I remember thinking at one point how I felt like I had been made love to and yet I was still fully clothed. We only had a short time together, God I wish we’d had longer, and we didn’t do anything especially unusual, we hardly even got the toys out and there was no penetration, but it was amazing.

I am not usually one for unnecessary romanticism, so I will do you best to continue this trend. What is it that makes some sex toe curlingly good while other times it can be lack lustre? Clearly there will be differences from one person to another, but do we have anything in common? Is it our choice in partner? Their technical ability, their looks, emotional connection? Is it in what you do? Positions, kinks, duration? Perhaps it’s all about ourselves? The anticipation, our state of mind, our health. Or maybe it is something else entirely…

This particular session felt sensual, lacking in pressure to perform and was probably benefitted by the lack of penetration as a first time being intimate together. While I don’t doubt that anticipation was a part of it, we have been chatting for a few months, I don’t think this can account for his apparent ability to read my mind. I felt quite useless, being in no state to do anything but lie there and purr.

I was curious to see if there were consistencies in what made for good sex so I took some vox pops from a few friends. Unfortunately I don’t have an answer for you. There is no single answer for what makes good sex. However, I can tell you something about what makes for bad sex, although I suspect you know the answer to this already. If you or your partner aren’t feeling it, for whatever reason, all be it physical or psychological, then you have lost. Similarly a lack of participation, the “sex doll” complex (chaps you can be guilty of this too) is uninspiring to most.

All I can hope now is that I get to enjoy more of this amazing sex, maybe I will figure out the secret, if I do, you can be sure that I will share it (unless I am otherwise occupied of course).

What makes sex good or bad for you?